PJ20

I’d like to start off by saying that Pearl Jam was, is, and always will be a definitive part of my identity. 20 years after their first release, they are still my end-all band, the one that I will always keep running back to. No matter how far I go, they keep me grounded, and they keep me home. PJ20, the 20th anniversary documentary film celebrating the band and the music, was exemplary of that.

I wasn’t expecting to be hit with a barrage of Seattle scenery right off the bat, but it was perfect. Yes, it made me terribly homesick, but in a good way. I am so proud to come from a city that is so full of life and art. Ferries, Pike’s Place, monorail, Space Needle, I-90 (NOT “the 90,” but I-90), Puget Sound. It’s all so familiar to me, and the footage of late 80′s/early 90′s Seattle was nostalgic and exciting. It brought me right back to the hey-day, something that was just beginning to seed when I was born (and was positively exploding when I was on the brink of adolescence).

Then, onto Andy. Oh, Andy. What would music have been like if you had been able to stop making such terrible choices? It’s obvious that his death is something that the guys still wrestle with constantly. I’ve always wondered what it would have been like if he were still here. He certainly would have been a huge fucking rock star, just like he wanted. Pearl Jam’s acknowledgement of their past and tributes to Andy sprinkled throughout the film makes sure his dream comes true, even if just a little bit. The scene where Ed is singing “Crown of Thorns”, intercut with footage of Andy performing the song, brought me to tears. We miss you, dude (if anyone was in Hollywood tonight and a little red car flew by blasting Mother Love Bone, and the driver was wailing along with “Mindshaker Meltdown” and drumming maniacally on the steering wheel, yeah, that was me).

Most importantly, I think this film showcased what Seattle music was really all about back then. It was about art, family, brotherhood, support, and just a fucking absolute LOVE for music. The loss of Andy and Kurt Cobain shook the scene at different times, but the survivors kept on and kept their memories alive, while at the same time learning from their mistakes. Pearl Jam and Soundgarden are not still rocking hard in their mid forties while slamming dope, I assure you.

My childhood band was severely influenced by both Pearl Jam and Soundgarden and, by proxy, greats like The Who, Led Zeppelin, and Neil Young. I fell madly in love with The Who at a very young age, and have never ended that love affair. Same goes for Zep. But Pearl Jam… Pearl Jam is completely glued to my soul. I can’t imagine life without them in some form. They’ve put out record after record — some I’ll admit that I don’t particularly care for — and they have never, EVER strayed from what THEY wanted to do. They’ve never betrayed their art or vision. I CAN’T watch “Singles” without breaking into a mad air guitar during “Breath.” I CAN’T help but think of the various turning points of my life when I hear songs like “Elderly Woman Behind A Counter In A Small Town” (I’m playing that for you when I come home, Seattle!), “Release,” “Given to Fly,” “Smile,” the list goes on forever. I don’t think I experienced PURE JOY until I had been to a Pearl Jam show, where a wall of sound created by 50,000 voices singing “Better Man” made me vibrate (and yes, cry). I CAN’T listen to “Alive” without busting out some serious air drums.

When I got a little older, Mother Love Bone became my torchlight. I remember the first time I heard their record — I cried, because I knew I had found something so amazingly beautiful that would never be recreated. Still, I took comfort in the fact that out of the ashes of Mother Love Bone rose Temple of the Dog and Pearl Jam. Andy is still in the music, and Pearl Jam’s music is completely unparalleled as far as my life goes. Their records got me through some of the hardest times of my life. The story of Andy Wood was a partial inspiration for my finally getting off drugs and pushing myself to get to where I am today. Too many people are lost before their potential is fully recognized, and on some level, I knew I didn’t want to be one of them.

I know this is starting to sound like Mother Love Bone is my favorite band of all time, but it’s not. In fact, I can’t choose between Mother Love Bone, Soundgarden, and Pearl Jam. All three of those bands provided guidance, inspiration, and just plain good ol’ rock and roll at times when I needed it the most. PJ20 captured that threesome completely — it was really a documentary about Seattle music, and focused mostly on those three groups. Spread all of that against a backdrop of my city, my life, and my dreams (I saw the one night only screening in Hollywood, for god’s sake), and I kind of felt like I was having an out-of-body experience.

Maybe some people think it’s silly to place so much passion and energy into music, but I don’t know how to be any other way. My dad taught me that music is a place of solace, a place of freedom, and a place of creativity that can’t be found in any other medium, at least for us. Music defines me, shapes me, and sets me free to push limits and break boundaries. Music got me to where I am today. Without music, I never would have developed such a passion for storytelling and films. Music is usually the spark of an idea for a movie for me. Music helps me sleep, and it keeps me up all night writing. Music is my life, at the very core.

Anyone who loves music MUST watch this film. It is breathtaking, heartbreaking, electrifying, and just plain fucking rockin’. It’s also a more complete education in regards to the “grunge” (I hate that term, but it’s the most recognizable) era than I could ever provide, which I have been trying to do down here in LA.

Peace and music be with you. I am absolutely on fire, and nothing can put me out. Thank you Ed, Stone, Jeff, Mike, and Matt for baring your souls and bringing us such a complete vision of a story that just can’t be ignored. I love you. No, really, I love you. Really.

 

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